This post is documents my journey from bodyhate to bodylove, and how I plan to manifest my ideal body. For the past 7 years, I’ve been on a journey to recover from an eating disorder that consumed my life – for 20 years. From ages 10-30, I struggled with bulimia, starvation, and yo-yo dieting – gaining and losing 20-60 pounds at a time, over and over again. Every year I was a completely different size, and it was humiliating. Every step was fueled by bodyhate.
The Beginning of Healing
When I turned 30, two significant things happened in my life. My beloved father, a lifelong gambling addict, committed suicide. Strangely, this was the same year I stopped killing myself with food. He always pushed me to be skinny, and I wanted desperately to please him. For some reason, my daddy’s passing prompted my own release?
From 2010-2016, I healed myself of obsessive calorie-restriction, fast-food binges, and purging when life got rough. I also said goodbye to extreme exercise. I started to embrace my curves and live more fully. The curvy brunette came into style with Kim Kardashian, Adele, and Ashley Graham – and life continued to open up for me.
I was slowly being healed, but at the same time, maintaining an ED for 20 years had its consequences. My metabolism, hormones and gut-health were shot. I gained weight rapidly, no matter how careful I was – 90 effortless pounds over 6 short years, to be exact. I finally found my weight set-point in 2016 (230lbs), and have maintained this weight, ever since.
Embracing The Body Positive Movement
I began to embrace the body positive movement more and more. I was exercising daily, eating mostly organic foods and listening to my body. I fought hard to love myself, despite the weight gain. I had rough days, but overall, I’d say I won the bodylove battle. At a size 16, I was finally healthy, and for the first time in my life, I actually felt beautiful. The world was kind to me, and offered me luxurious dates, a successful business and even modeling gigs. Life as a plus-size girl wasn’t so bad, afterall.
But just because I loved my body, doesn’t mean I had completely arrived. I still wanted to slimdown, but in a healthy, natural way. My dream body looked something like a size 8 hourglass. So more recently, I began to learn more about the spiritual side of weight-release. Given that I see God in everything, and interpret all of life through a spiritual lense, I found it important to explore my own heart and subconscious mind.
What I learned was life-changing. I learned that, although I looked confident on the outside, the truth was – I was still struggling with self-worth. Deep-down, I really didn’t believe I deserved to have my ideal frame. And if there is one thing I know about life, it’s that we get what we believe we deserve. Our entire life is a manifestation of what we truly believe should be ours.
Manifesting My Ideal Body
I truly believe my obesity was a result of my body fighting back from years of restriction, accompanied with a deep-seeded unconscious belief that I did not deserve to have the body of my dreams. Deep down, I just didn’t feel worthy of being my most beautiful self. My face was pretty enough, I thought. Encompassing an ideal figure was just too much blessing for a girl like me to receive. My body was filled with unconscious self-sabotage, and I finally knew why.
When we don’t believe we deserve something, we push it far away. Subconsciously, and unknowingly, we create a life that matches the state of our hearts. For as long as I continued to feel unworthy, I knew my weight set-point would remain high. Selflove would be the only lasting solution.
This first real step to self-worth is to change our inner dialogue. Here is how I now speak to myself:
Jennylyn, you deserve to have whatever body shape you prefer most. You are worth having the health and beauty you desire. You owe the world no explanation for having the pretty face and gorgeous figure you are about to manifest. Now that your heart is open to receiving this good gift, God will empower you to achieve it. It will feel natural, and your steps will be guided by selflove. You deserve whatever body you want most, sweet girl. Just relax and love yourself to that size 8!
I am not a big fan of how, but rather – why? Once we discover the why, the how begins to magically appear. So I’m not saying there isn’t a level of doing when it comes to goal-achievement. I’m only saying that God inspires the path we must take, when we uncover the root of the why. We suddenly become supernatural instruments of God’s work – finding unexpected brilliant ideas, plans and execution, beyond anything we could have ever dreamt-up ourselves! All of my creative ideas came from a space of allowing this supernatural flow in my life.
Being Grateful For What-Is
I’ve come so far; I’m so proud of myself. Conquering a 20-year eating disorder was astronomical. Learning the art of body positivity and bodylove was life-changing. Maintaining my weight the entirety of this past year was a huge step in the right direction. Now it’s time for the final step – manifesting the dream body I always desired. I believe I’m worth it, and I know that what I believe about myself, always comes true in time.
Check in for more info to come – and watch me go through my next physical transformation. Hot size 16, to hot size 8!
Join my amazing Facebook group, Bodylove Babes, for more selflove inspiration. We’d love to have you!
Don’t forget to subscribe to my podcast – The Jennylyn Chung Podcast – so you can listen to me while you drive.
It’s ok to want to #slimdown. It’s great to want to be #healthy. It’s fine to follow a #diet that makes you feel well. It’s cool to desire the #figure of your #dreams – #anythingispossible with #faith. It’s NOT ok to hate yourself, to beat your body down with diets, to motivate yourself through fear. Selflove is the KEY to having the figure, career, relationship and life of your dreams. I’m a #size16 and I’ll admit – I’d like to manifest a healthier, lighter, more #hourglass me. And I plan to. But you better freakin bet I’m gonna love this body every step of the way! I’ll work every dress and pair of heels the same – whether a 16 or 8. My #body is #beautiful at any size, and at the same time, I deserve to create whatever body I personally consider as ideal for me. My worth remains invaluable at any #size! Xo 💗 #curvy #curves #curvaceous #plussizemodel #plussizeasian #asianmodel #koreanmodel #bodyconfidence #beautiful #innerbeauty #feminine #bodylove #curvybabe #size16 #jennylynchung
The key to creating my #dreamlife is #selfworth. For all my life, I’ve secretly felt undeserving of my #dreams. This led to above-average living, self-sabotage and bowing to fears. Only recently did it dawn on me – that I deserve to have whatever kind of life I desire! This past weekend, I made a heart-decision to view myself as worth every dream I possess. Something tells me this was the missing link all along? #selflove 🌹 #red #redlipstick #asianmodel #asian #koreanmodel #korean #selfie #eyes #smile #brunette #motivation #inspiration #healing #10x #goals #aspirations
Some selflove youtube videos!
If you like this post – Loving Myself First, In Order To Manifest My Ideal Body – or felt inspired in any way, please comment below and share it with your friends. Your time is precious – thanks for meeting me here. See you next Thursday for another selflove blog post.