Today’s Thursday selflove blog post centers around my 100 pound weight gain journey. Actually, it was 90 pounds, but I figured – that’s close enough. My weight gain began 7 years ago, at the time I entered recovery for my 20-year eating disorder (bulimia). It has been a slow, but beautiful, shift from selfhate, to healing selflove. This is my story of embracing a newfound plus-size figure post ED recovery – with grace and joy.
My 100 Pound Weight Gain Journey: Some Lessons
#1 I filled my mind with body-positive images. Simply replacing the ultra-thin images from the media, with more curvaceous, body-positive models – has been a life-changer. My social media feed is filled with plus-size babes that inspire me to love my curves, rather than despise them. In addition, I made a practice of looking at myself when undressed, and speaking words of love to my “troubled” body parts. I literally speak to my boobs and tummy – showering them with acceptance and love.
#2 I had to learn to eat. I learned that the World Health Organization recommends an average of 2000 calories per day, for a typical woman. This meant I was severely undereating for close to 20 years. I started reading about how low-calorie diets don’t work, over the longterm. And how most people are simply unable to sustain a good quality of life when they are calorie-deprived. So I decided to give normal daily food intake a try. Somewhere around 2000 calories per day. The more I loosened the reigns, the less I binged and purged. I was gaining weight steadily, but something inside me told me – I was healing.
#3 I let myself gain weight. Food restriction and dieting fucks up your metabolism, messes with your thyroid and hormones, and causes a mentally-ill preoccupation with food. Quite frankly, I believe that dieting turned my body into a fat-producing machine. This explains why anyone who loses a significant amount of weight, generally puts it back on within 3-5 years. They say it is something like 1-5% (i.e. unicorns) that lose weight through dieting – and actually keep it off. From 2010 until 2017, I gained 90 pounds total.
#4 Weight gain to weight maintenance (set-point) to slow, effortless, weight-release. I read about women that went through three phases of healing: 1. weight gain as they returned to normal calories 2. weight maintenance as they arrived at their set-point weight and 3. permanent, effortless weight loss after years of eating intuitively. I decided to have faith in my body to restore itself to health, and that I was willing to endure the humiliation of weight gain, for the chance to finally settle into an effortless weight-maintenance. I just couldn’t bare the yo-yo cycle one more time. I decided I was going to be kind, gentle and patient with my body, and that I was going to consider it beautiful – each step of the way.
#5 I learned intuitive eating, and noticed immediate health benefits. This means no dieting, no food restrictions, no calorie-counting, no depriving myself of anything I desire. That means if I want a vegan donut from Whole Foods – then I get it. Bacon and eggs for breakfast? Done. But a funny thing happened. Not right away, but several months in. I noticed I was way less hungry, would forget to eat, and often reached for the nutritious, organic stuff – anyway. I began to loath large portions and feeling full. I seriously hate buffets now. I was suddenly eating like a naturally skinny chic! And my awful sugar and chocolate addiction that tortured me my entire life? Gone. Without any effort whatsoever. I literally have chocolate chip cookies in my cabinet from months ago that I just keep forgetting to eat. Have you ever heard the saying – what you resist, persists? Well, once I allowed myself to eat from all colors of the rainbow, food became just another joyful, moderate part of life.
#5 My allergies, gut and digestive issues cleared – once I started eating variety. Have you ever noticed that you were always fine eating bread – until you tried the low-carb diet? Now 1 piece of bread makes you totally bloated. Have you noticed you were suddenly unable to tolerate dairy – after a year of being vegan? Now 1 cup of milk feels unbearable. When we deprive our bodies of variety, it forgets how to handle forgotten foods. At least, that’s what happened to me. Once I started eating intuitively, this all cleared up. I can now eat dairy and bread again – and I’m thankful, cause that shit be good.
My 100 Pound Weight Gain Journey: I Love My Curvy Body
Trust your body to settle into a weight that is easy, natural and effortless for you. Dress up, get your hair did, enjoy your curves. Really make this process as fun as possible, and enjoy how the men come drooling. Have you seen Ashley Graham and Tess Holliday? A size 14 and up is quickly becoming the new ideal.
Now that I’ve been in weight maintenance for about a year, I can’t gain weight even if I try! And that’s after eating whatever I want, whenever I want, at whatever time I want. Somehow, the body regulates the appetite, metabolism and food cravings, overtime, if you give it a chance to heal.
Bodylove takes time. It really is something that unfolds slowly, one day at a time. But it is a beautiful unfolding, and so worth every fear you have to face. Tell your body that you love it and are thankful for all it does for you. Stop fighting, and just let go. As Eckhart Tolle says – surrender to what is. Listen to your body, it really does know best.
This week on IG:
Gained 90 pounds in 7 years – in recovery from a 20-year eating disorder (age 10-30). It took courage to stop starving, dieting and throwing up. It took selflove, acceptance and surrender to heal. I love my size 16 body and plan to nurture it for the rest of my beautiful life. No more dieting, just living each day to the fullest.❤️ #curvy #curves #curvaceous #plussizemodel #plussizeasian #asianmodel #koreanmodel #bodyconfidence #beautiful #innerbeauty #feminine #bodylove #curvybabe #nomorediets #eatingdisorderrecovery #healing #healed #jennylynchung
A few BODYLOVE YouTube vids from this week:
Join my amazing Facebook group, Bodylove Babes, for more selflove inspiration. We’d love to have you!
If you like this post or felt inspired in any way, please comment below and share it with your friends. Your time is precious, thanks for meeting me here. See you next Thursday for another selflove blog post.