Healing From Unthinkable Pain
This blog post and video starts off light-hearted, but eventually does go deep. Today I discuss healing from unthinkable pain and loss – such as suicide, divorce, death or illness. Remember, healing involves feeling. It involves really diving into the places that hurt the worst, and just sitting in the pain, expressing it, crying it out, immersing yourself in your deepest fears. It is from there, that we are healed, released and set free. You don’t have to live your entire life in pain. You can be joyful again. I did it after my father passed away from suicide in 2010, and so can you.
#1 We numb ourselves to our emotions. As children, we felt our emotions very deeply. When I was a kid, movies like Bambi and White Fang – made me bawl my eyes out! However, as I went through life I began to “numb out” my feelings. At one time, I felt so numb I could no longer muster up compassion for myself, or for other’s suffering in the world. Numbness is a normal thing that happens after the unthinkable, but it’s an unhealthy defense mechanism – and something that has to be broken-through.
#2 Emotional numbness can cause the body to break down. About 10 years ago, while on the brink of divorce with my then-husband, I noticed my entire body began to break down. One day, while taking a leisurely walk, I stepped off a tiny curb and instantly broke my foot! I knew right away that my body was unable to cope with the stress in my life. The same sort of thing occurred after my father’s suicide in 2010 – when I had recurring, unshakable colds for six months.
#3 We should be physically in touch with our emotions. I experience many emotions as visceral sensations. When I’m nervous or anxious, I feel it in my gut. Sadness is felt in my throat – making it difficult to swallow. When I feel excitement mixed with fear, my hands begin to tingle. Consider how you physically feel when you experience happiness, sadness, or anger? It’s good to get in touch with our bodies in this way – because our bodies speak to us. They give us invaluable signs, guiding us towards healing and release.
#4 Dive straight into your pain. You have to go into the black hole of your pain before the light can shine through. So often, we are tempted to eat, do drugs, party or just distract our lives away – rather than just stop and feel the pain. Let the tears come. Don’t ever hold them back – it’s terrible for your health. Weep, scream, experience whatever bodily sensations your emotions bring forth, for as long as you need to mourn. Allow someone, or God, or yourself – to hold you. Just be in the pain. The more we allow ourselves to just feel, the faster the emotional and physical healing.
Healing From Unthinkable Pain Involves Acceptance of What-Is
In order to find healing from unthinkable pain, we eventually must settle into a place of acceptance. Of seeing our tragedy as something that was meant to be, for a purpose greater than we can comprehend at this time. There is a surrender to the will of God, who really is in control of all things.
There came a point, in regards to my divorce and my father’s suicide – when I stopped asking questions, begging God to reverse things, or wishing things were different. I actually did come to terms with what-is, and I felt great relief in letting go.
None of us escapes pain, sorrow, or disappointment in this life, but you don’t have to stay there forever. I still have hard days, but overall, I am honestly in such a beautiful place. You can be joyful again. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and be patient as God does a miraculous work of healing in your body, mind and soul.
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